(Spotted over at ONTD football)

Angela Hucles retired from professional soccer effective immediately. Coach Tony loses yet another player from his 2009 roster, Pia loses a midfielder for the upcoming friendly against Germany, and Hucles thinks maybe now she’ll try real estate. Of course. Makes perfect sense.

Speaking of, Megan Rapinoe had knee surgery on Thursday sidelining her for a few weeks and forcing her to miss the upcoming USWNT game. Pia replaces the two open spots with newbies Ella Masar and Kacey White.

And since we’re still talking about Germany, Laura “the one that got away” Del Rio is tearing it up in the Bundesliga right now. She scored her 4th goal in 4 games during Frankfurt’s 4-0 win against SC 07 yesterday. Game highlights are here and include Steffi Jones saying a bunch of stuff in German.

I’m pretty sure Jones was not talking about a CONCACAF World Cup qualifying schedule in the above link, since Little Miss Soccer is keeping tabs on the upcoming games and… well… nothing but Europe and two friendlies. To be fair, there are a lot of countries in Europe to get through.

BBC Sport has a league update and check it, Watford is kicking ass and taking names and now sitting at the top of the table. Love it when the womens team does better than the mens. Oh and Kim Little scored her fourth hat trick of the season. If WPS teams aren’t already wooing this girl with promises of unlimited cell phone plans, meet and greets with Zach Effron, and pirated copies of Blue Moon (the girl is 19 years old – just sayin’), they need to start NOW.

StupidFilter results: Text is not likely to be stupid.

Karina LeBlanc GK – Los Angeles Sol, Canada
Tina Ellertson D – Saint Louis Athletica, United States
Amy LePeilbet D – Boston Breakers, United States
Alex Scott D – Boston Breakers, England
Camille Abily M – Los Angeles Sol, France
Sonia Bompastor M – Washington Freedom, France
Shannon Boxx M – Los Angeles Sol, United States
Lori Chalupny M – Saint Louis Athletica, United States
Kelly Smith M – Boston Breakers, England
Eniola Aluko F – Saint Louis Athletica, England
Marta F – Los Angeles Sol, Brazil

Ok, so the first thing you will note is Alex Scott, Camille Abily, Sonia Bompastor, Kelly Smith, and Eniola Aluko probably won’t play (confirmed: Smith, Scott, and Aluko certainly will not. Why? Because they’ll be in Europe. France plays Germany on August 27 while England plays Russia on August 28th. And if either team makes it out of their groups, they’ll be at it again starting on September 3rd. So maybe just maybe if England and/or France punk out of the Euros early, a few of players above will be back in time. Maybe.

So contingency plan time. I guess it’s just cool to be nominated. Maybe Shaq can take someone’s place and roll up with the Jabbawockeez. And looking at the top picks from the fans, one can hope that Hope comes in as a midfielder (but realistically, LeBlanc and Solo will swap halves – the fans have spoken!). At least there are plenty of USWNT player pool-ers available from the Red Stars and FC Gold Pride. What? We’re not gonna pick even one? According to the fine print:

With several players expected to be unavailable due to national team commitments at the 2009 European Championships, the First XI players who cannot play will be replaced by the next-highest vote-getters at that position announced later this week.

So there’s still time for Shaq to get in this thing! Or rather, Abby Wambach.

The players voted LA Sol head coach Abner Rogers to be the All Stars coach. Rogers and the Commish get to pick seven more players so I’m sensing a very LA-heavy All Stars roster coming up. Stay tuned, y’all.

who is this guy?

It’s been a busy week in the world of pro, semi-pro, and not-at-all pro women’s soccer so let’s review…

WPSL The final four are set. The semifinals will take place in Long Island (will they throw in some of that famous iced tea?). On August 1st, the Dallas Premier play the Long Island Fury then defending champs Ajax America face Miami Kickers FC. The winners of these games face-off in the final on August 2nd.

W-League What an upset! The Ottowa Fury beat FC Indiana last Sunday 2-1 and ended the season quite a bit earlier than last year’s runner ups expected. So now the Fury will face the Washington Freedom (yes – same franchise as the WPS team just the W-League version) on August 1st at the Maryland SoccerPlex. On July 31st, the regular season champs (ahem) Hudson Valley Quickstrike Lady Blues play last year’s champs Pali Blues in exciting Newburgh, New York. I just Googled tourist info for Newburgh and after y’all finish visiting the many George Washington historical landmarks, you are totally done with that place. So if you are still in the area and reading this, you simply do not have a good excuse not to go. Oh, and there’s been a bit of a shift in how things get done in the W-League. Instead of the automatic bye to the final for the regular season winner, the winners of the two above games face each other in the final – which will be live on Fox Soccer Channel at 7:30pm ET August 7th.

WPS The playoff run continues and most importantly, STL and Boston try to clinch their positions. STL win a spot (and apparently get a home field playoff game) if they beat Boston on Saturday OR tie Boston and Washington lose or tie a game this week. Boston win a spot if they beat Washington on Wednesday and I think if that doesnt’ work out they might also get a spot if they beat STL on Saturday… but don’t quote me on that (or anything really). So basically if Boston win tomorrow, STL does too and our friends in mound city don’t even need to lift a finger. And check that last link from answerbag.com. Commenter zaqes1 says St Louis is also called choke city because their sports teams often lose during the playoffs. So is it really in the bag for STL? Ok, it probably is. But I’m just trying to create some intrigue here.

And don’t forget that completely meaningless La Sol at Chicago game that happens to be the only one this week available online as well as on tv.

Right. We’ve got some playoffs, we’ve got some seasons ending. We’ve got that All Stars game to think about. We’ve also got the Euros. Last year around about this time, I spent a few confused and hungover mornings in various bars surrounded by annoying passionate and worldly Spaniards. Now it’s time for the ladies to play (they like to say that in Europe a lot ladies don’t they?). It starts August 23 and ends September 10th. And with France, England, and Sweden competing, I think it’s about 100% likely that quite a few of our All Stars picks won’t be available to play. (And quite a few Umea players won’t make the trip either.) But it seems that according to the fans’ votes, it doesn’t matter anyways since WPS published the tally so far and according to us, we really just want to see the US Women’s National Team play Umea IK. Screw everybody else in this league. Ok, fair enough.

And if you click on this link, you can watch highlights of Germany’s 6-0 pounding of the Netherlands this past weekend in a friendly. Watch the Dutch keeper completely lose it well before the end of the first half. I love the commenter: “the Dutch keeper might have saved it if she just stretched a bit more.” Indeed.

Boston Breakers 2 – LA Sol 1 Kelly Smith scored in the second minute and that was pretty much it right there. Kristine Lilly scored again in the 55th minute. Coach Tony said Boston was embarrassed over last week’s defeat and coach Abner’s response to the loss: “even after they scored the second goal, we never put our heads down.” Seems that was pretty accurate assessment. in the second half, Brittany Bock scored for LA and Marta had a couple of chances caught by Kristin Luckenbill while Luckenbill saved a Miyama free kick in the 90th minute. In the post-game quotes, Abner talked about Marta disappearing late in the second half. Coupled with the Breakers’ loss last weekend to Chicago when Smith sat on the bench, I wonder if these teams suffer more because of their marquee players than other WPS sides who have what I would call a more even roster.

FC Indiana 3 – Chicago Red Stars 2 I believe FC Indiana are right now actively looking for investors to become a new WPS franchise so even though this one was just a friendly, I’m counting it in the wrap-up. FC Indiana coach Shek Borkowski complained “the performance was not good enough” but they outshot Chicago 12 -7. And two of the goals scored were from Laura Del Rio – who was a Red Stars international draft pick before either being let go or choosing to return to Indiana. Not entirely sure what happened there. It may seem a bit shocking that the Red Stars would fall so quickly after beating the Breakers so badly, but this Red Stars squad had Lydia Williams in goal and substitutions in the defense leading me to believe coach Emma used this game as a chance to beef up the depth in her backline. Smart.

Washington Freedom 3 – Saint Louis Athletica 3 Ummm, Hope Solo. If I could have a word with Hope Solo right now, it would go along the lines of: what the f*ck. Actually, cause this one was televised and thanks to Justin I got to watch it, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what she’s telling herself. And according to the wise words of Peter Wilt (told to me in a bar of course), when we get a brand new pro league, the national team (mens or womens) changes pretty dramatically. So heads up to Hope – Barnhart is looking real good right now. In the first half, Daniela put two on the board for STL and in the 69th minute, Eniola Aluko brought the score to 3-1. Except Lisa DeVanna and Sonia Bompastor managed to score in the 79th and 90th minutes. Clearly WPS is not the league where you can call the game and cut out early to beat the lines to the bathroom. And while Hope had a pretty bad day broadcasted on national television, the big scandal of the game was a hard tackle Wambach made to Daniela late in the second half. Daniela had to be carried off in a stretcher and apparently passed out in the locker room because of the pain. After the game, Wambach said her tackle was not malicious but instead she slipped on the rainy pitch. Okely Dokely.

Find more videos like this on Women’s Professional Soccer

FC Gold Pride 1 – Sky Blue FC 0 Okay, I’m currently kicking myself for missing this game. Especially after I read (thanks twitter) that some of the fans were trying to get a little atmosphere going in the stands. Yo – sign me the f*ck up for that. And here’s my review of this game: when you watch a lot of MLS, you forget that late-game substitutions are supposed to help bring extra energy and a new strategy to what’s already happening. Substitutions are NOT supposed to expose how little depth you really have past the starting eleven. And of all the WPS teams, FC Goldeneye got this one covered. The first half saw great offensive runs from both sides saved by Barnhart and the Sky Blue goalposts and in the 39th minute Jenni Branam saved a PK from Tiffani Weimer. The back and forth continued throughout the second half until substitution Ann Robinson received a pass from substitution Adriane and scored the game’s only goal. Afterwards, coach Albertin commented: “I think it’s quite remarkable that we’ve had six different players score this season, in only our fifth game.” As for Sky Blue, the return of Christie Rampone wasn’t enough to solidify their defense and their overflowing offensive talent still could not eek out a goal. Coach Ian’s post-game comment: “The problem for us is that we’re attacking somebody else’s goal.” Yes, yes you are.

(Okay, in all fairness, this is the complete quote: “The problem for us is that we’re attacking somebody else’s goal, and all of a sudden we’re getting counter-attacked. The problem started way up in the field, and then we weren’t compact enough to handle the pass at the end.”)

So tune in sometime this week for a preview post and possibly more posts if I discover an interesting tidbit or two. Speaking of, thank goodness Joel McHale went to Australia last week because he mentioned on The Soup the latest scandal down there. A video a few Aussie Rules Football players made of their mascot (a rubber rooster named Boris). In the video, Boris goes to the grocery store, puts a condom over his head, then sticks his head into a frozen chicken. The players had to apologise and maybe even got benched (honestly, I don’t care enough about AFL to really follow this story). I say, the only crime here was the use of a sh*t Ludacris song for the soundtrack – which the Australian media called offensive to women. Ummm, that song is only offensive because it’s completely stupid. When I read Ludacris was going to start an acting career, I got excited because I hoped that meant he’d stop making crap albums. Unforch, the dude knows how to multitask. Anyways, consider this your video of the week. Enjoy Boris wining and dining the chicken after having sex with it in the frozen isle. I wish all sports mascots were this entertaining.

Sorry, it won’t embed so click here

(In other news, USWNT players are now free to sign contracts with their WPS clubs. WHEW! FINALLY!)

Steve Long of American Soccer News recently talked to Pia Sundhage about her coaching methods. Sundhage wants to continue to emphasize an aggressive defense but train the players to be smarter on offense.

She was clear that, “This team is very aggressive, which is great in defending. You should be aggressive in defending, but I don’t want to be aggressive in the attack. I don’t like that feeling. I’d rather say that in attack you have to be sly. You have to be clever, smart. Change, and change the speed.

She wants the team to maintain possession of the ball and wait to find the right moment to strike. She hopes to train the players to pass on immediate opportunities until the perfect moment arises.

It takes restraint in practice and preparatory matches to internalize the discipline to wait for a really superior chance, “Now the team is thinking to keep possession. We have to emphasize to keep possession, because that’s what we want to do in the Olympics. Dare to do that, because then it matters.”

And after watching the highlights of our 6-0 beating of Canada, I’d say we are on track to make this strategy a success.

USWNT Captain Christie Rampone had surgery Wednesday to remove her gall bladder. The surgery shouldn’t prevent her from playing in any upcoming games. In fact, she began rehabbing two hours after she left the hospital and has a month to recover before the Peace Cup games begin.

As a Linux user, I have my own personal issues with streaming video that only plays on Microsoft products but it seems if I am to follow women’s soccer, I’ll have to bite the bullet and install a xen server or something similar just to get my fix. Bah. Not pleased. Also, I’m missing the game since I’ll be at Buck Shaw for San Jose v Dallas which leads me to ask if anyone will record it and make it available online?